Settling back in to work has been tough and even though I am only doing two days a week I am feeling quite exhausted. I am sure, soon, it will feel like normal and the morning routine will feel more like a routine and less like a mad dash!
However one thing which seems be be more of an issue than I had anticipated is expressing at work. I need to express mid morning and mid afternoon to keep with Boo’s feeding pattern on other days and to have enough milk for her to drink from a bottle at nursery (Boo has, slowly, started to drink a bit more from a bottle, which is a weight off my mind).
However I am finding myself really uncomfortable on my work days, it seems I am not able to express as much as Boo takes for a feed as I am left feeling uncomfortable which get worse as the day goes on and isn’t totally alleviated when I express in the afternoon.
I am also feeling really self-conscious as I can leak even when wearing breast pads, so feel like I am constantly checking myself.
I am lucky that I am being given time to express at work and my manager has been really accommodating, though the room I express in is a makeshift first aid room/stationery cupboard which I have to put a sign up on and lock, but I constantly feel like someone is going to need to come in the room and knock on the door which definitely adds to my unease. I don’t know why I feel so uneasy in the room. And I am wondering if this is contributing to why I can’t express as much as I would be able to at home, and means that I end up feeling like my boobs are going to explode.
I am not sure this part of my work routine is ever going to feel normal (I hope it gets easier though) and I am really surprised by how much I dislike the whole thing. Obviously is it necessary and I am going to keep going until Boo doesn’t want to feed anymore but I am feeling guilty that I am finding it such a chore and I worry that my supply is going to suffer on the other days.
I think that, sadly, I may not be alone in feeling like this, and I can understand how difficult it must be for ladies who have to go back to work early and need to express more often, as it would feel almost impossible. I honestly think if I had had to go back full time and when Boo was younger and feeding more I would have stopped breastfeeding.
I wish this post were more positive and that this latest phase in our breastfeeding journey was a happier one but that’s really not the case.