Well Boo and I have taken the big step and moved over to self-hosted, we are still getting to grips with everything but I am sure there is always going to be things to figure out along the way.
Please visit us at our new home!!
Wow, I can’t believe I am publishing my 100th post already. It seems like a blur, I wrote my ‘Introduction’ post back in June 2014 and then nothing until August 2014. A bit of a jittery start to the blog, but from August it seems that I got in to the swing of things and I can honestly say that I love having my blog and being able to post about my adventures with Boo and making a record I can keep of her childhood.
My only wish is that I started blogging earlier! My pregnancy was hard for various reason and I think being able to talk about it, share it and interact with other people in similar situations would have helped me immensely. And it might have prompted me to take more bump photos, as I think I have 2 or 3 and that’s it!
Blogging has not only given me a way to share my adventures with Boo, but also given me an outlet for my thoughts which I may have had not real place for without my blog. It’s also prompted me to take more photos, and to try to get better at taking photos, so that I have these memories forever and show them to Boo when they are older.
It’s feels like I have reached a milestone with my blog, and at a time when I am considering the possibility of moving to selfhosted. I can only wonder where I am going to be and what my blog is going to be like when I am posting my 200th post!!
I have ‘met’ some lovely people through blogging and by reading their amazing blogs I have gained insight, knowledge, and witnessed moments of laughter and sadness, and through the comments I have gained advice and ideas.
I have some blog related goals which I have been thinking about for a while, one of which is to move to selfhosted, and probably change the name of my blog as Boo is not going to be a baby forever, though I think she will definitely cause chaos forever! I also want to become more knowledgeable about social media, I love twitter and want to use that and instagram more, but I would also like to utilise pinterest and google+ more.
My 100th post, a great place to look back and reflect and look forward and plan!
Boo’s favourite word at the minute is Hiya! She says it all the time. If she sees anyone she recognises, or walks in to the room you are in, or someone new arrives, she waits baited breathe looking at the door to the hallway from the living room to shout hiya at whoever arrives or if the phone rings, or she is just in a good mood she will say (and then yell) hiya! repeatedly until you say hiya back. She always has a great big smile on her face when she is saying it. We get other words too, like hiya dadda or hiya mamma or hiya some lovely musical sounds. It’s lovely that she is wanting to interact with the world around her, and her face just lights up when you reply.
If the phone rings she will hold whatever is in her hand at the time up to her ear and shout hiya (I am wondering if I talk to loud when I am on the phone!) or if I am on the phone she will just shout hiya until someone acknowledges her, at least we know she is determined to be heard!
I can’t wait to see which new words Boo learns next and what her next favourite word will be (fingers crossed it isn’t No!) It’s so exciting to see hear learn not only the meaning of words but also how to use them herself. It truly is magical.
I am asking myself this question a lot at the minute, and I can’t quite seem to answer it fully. I have written a post similar to this a couple of months ago, but nothing seems to be resolved I am going round in circles so I am hoping writing this might tip the balance. My heart is telling me one thing and my brain (and my hubby) are telling me another. There are many arguments it seems…
1. I have been adamant that I never wanted to have another child after Boo after the first week of Hyperemesis – I remember getting out of the shower (my only achievement of the day) and begging my husband to promise to never let me get pregnant again. I still remember that the sheer feeling of terror at the thought of having to feel as bad as I did, for as long as I did (and little did I know at that point I would suffer with constant nausea and vomit most days until Boo arrived at 41 weeks – the out of control vomiting subsided gradually at about 19 weeks). So why do I want another baby? To put myself, and my husband and Boo through that? I was incapable of looking after myself, I couldn’t look after Boo and my husband has to work. So surely another child is out of the question.
My head … definitely agrees, another pregnancy like that would be intolerable. But my heart… it points out medication, the fact that I might not suffer as bad this time, or at all… (though the odds are not in my favour).
2. Boo’s first year hasn’t been easy in terms of sleep, at 13 months she is still not sleeping through the night, though we are making progress, we were only able to drop night feeds in the past month or so and she still wakes several times a night (and likes to get up early). I feel like a zombie most days and even with daytime naps I still feel like I am so far behind sleepwise I may never catch back up. So do I really want to go back to that? A newborn, clusterfeeding, up all hours, unable to sleep during the day because Boo will be awake?
My head… I need myself, I deserve a rest, I need a good nights sleep ( or 10),
My heart… points out that not all babies sleep as little as Boo (who has always slept well below the ‘average’ hours sleep out of 24 for her age at every stage), why not tough it out as it won’t last forever, better now than to start sleeping through and have to go back to broken sleep again if we decide later to have another (maybe when the memories have faded a bit more and the sleep deprivation doesn’t seem that bad)
3. Boo’s medical issues – colic and silent reflux, not a great combination (well alone either is enough to drive anyone to tears) the made for long newborn nights, and long newborn days of carrying Boo around upright for the reflux, and weeks of trying different medication to find one that works, then there was the guilt of my tiny perfect baby is getting medication, worry over the side effects, guilt that maybe it was my breastmilk (irrational? maybe a little) Could we really go through that again, how would Boo sleep with a baby making all the heartbreaking noise she use to make, when mummy and daddy were trying everything they could to help her feel even a little better, just for a little while
My head … questions if we could cope with something like that again, it was heartbreaking, even the memories make me tear up.
My heart… chances are we wouldn’t have to go through that again, colic and silent reflux bad combination and even if we were unlucky we have dealt with it before and we can deal with it again. We have the little tips and tricks that helped (a little) last time we can use them again.
4. Would a sibling be best for Boo – My husband thinks that Boo would be better off as an ‘only’ child (not strictly true as she has two half brothers but they live in another country and they do see each other on skype it’s not the same as having a sibling in the house) Boo’s personality does seem to be quiet high maintenance, try as I might I cannot leave her to play for long, and she likes to have interaction from adults more than other children (but I am not quite how much we can take from all this as she is only 13 months old) I am not sure, I think a sibling would be amazing, I have visions of them playing together and being best friends – they could of course dislike each other and fight all the time, who knows?
My head … there is no way to know what would be best for Boo, we can’t live both decisions out and then make the decision with hindsight, you just have to make a decision and go with the flow, not amount of reading about siblings vs only children is going to definitively tell us what is best for us as a family.
My heart… I love my brother (though I do remember once telling him that his breathing annoyed me) and how sad would it be for Boo to miss out on a relationship like that? My husband and I aren’t going to be here forever and a sibling would be someone who would always (hopefully) be there for Boo, and Boo could be there for them.
5. Could I even cope? I don’t know some days how I cope with Boo, newborn days are a haze of lost sleep, sore nipples and crying, I can honestly say that as Boo has grown and learned to crawl and then things have felt easier for me, I couldn’t even leave the house for six weeks after Boo was born. How am I going to cope with breastfeeding a newborn and having an energetic Boo, how could I do all the things I did with Boo and then have the energy to look after another? Can I sign up for another year plus of breastfeeding (and no caffeine)?
My head… rationally you cope because you have to, noone can prepare you for having a baby, it’s a massive change, at least you are in some way prepared now for a baby and what it actually entails, coping with a toddler and baby? Noone knows until you are in that situation… sink or swim.
My heart … you cope because you have to, there are two tiny people who depend on you, you have help, your husband, your mum, your stepdad, your brother, your sister in law, your friends… and Boo. You are strong, you can cope with anything and you will.
6. Finally random thoughts… I have this image in my mind of Boo standing with her back to me, walking down a lovely path, green and trees and the sun shining, holding the hand of a smaller child, chattering away, and every time I think that not having another child would be best for the family, the smaller child fades and disappears and Boo is left standing there alone, no-one to chatter too and I can’t help by get upset. I know it’s irrational because Boo is never going to be alone, she has mummy and daddy, and lots of other family, it seems silly but I just can’t seem to shake this vision from my head.
My head… rationally asks if this is just natures way of making sure we all have lots of babies, this inexplicable need to have more children when the first reaches a certain age… the tick tock of our body clocks?
My heart… tells me that I can’t get this image out of my mind because deep down, all rational thoughts aside I do want another child, a sibling for Boo, and that some part of me is always going to regret it if we don’t, haunted by the image of a child that never was?
So there it is, my thoughts, running around in my head this past couple of months, crazy thoughts driving me crazy. I always feel better once I have made a decision, but this seems to be one decision I just can’t seem to make!
Any thoughts would be most appreciated because I am just going round in circle.
There are thing I can only do when Boo is sleeping or when the hubby is home, they just don’t get done while she is awake, I thought I would list them here, and maybe I need to plan how I am going to do them when she drops down to one nap a day or when she stops naps altogether (I know we have a while yet but still!).
Trouble causer? Who me?
1 Drink a hot drink, hot. (ah the simple things)
2. Use the laptop, for shopping, blogging, emails, more shopping. Boo seems to find it offensive if I attempt to use the laptop in her presence, so I have to fit in in around naps and after she has gone to bed.
3. Read a book (for me) this gets the same reaction at the laptop, angry Boo, I hope she decides she likes books in the future and doesn’t remain Boo the Destroyer of Books.
4. Wash the dishes … ok so this one is me, I hate doing the dishes, Boo doesn’t mind she will play or watch or sit in her highchair and pelt raisins at me for fun, but I lie and pretend to myself that they can’t be done because Boo doesn’t like it…
5. Watch TV without the subtitles on… maybe I am going deaf in my old age or Boo is just really REALLY noisy but I can’t seem to hear ‘proper’ TV (any channel that isn’t CBeebies) without the subtitles.
6. Have a long soak in a bubble bath… this is reserved for when either the hubby is at home to watch Boo or Boo is in bed, but as her bedroom is next to the bathroom I do worry about the noise of the running water waking her up, she is a very light sleeper.
7. Tidy Up… and things staying tidy for more than 2 seconds… maybe the chaos will eventually mean that all the toys end up in their places just through the laws of probability? It’s got to happen somewhere right?
8. Eat Chocolate without having it stolen… I think Boo has had some training to be a ninja, she is super fast at stealing chocolate, even from inside your mouth, while you are chewing it!
This morning I had a bit of spare time (spare time, what the fudge is spare time?) Ok so I had more time than usual and Boo was behaving and playing nicely (destroying everything she wasn’t supposed to touch and running around yelling and waving my makeup like a weapon) so I decide to actually make an effort and I put my makeup on, including mascara and eyeshadow, and I even straighten my hair…
I have to say I was disappointed with the results, I wish I hadn’t bothered that way I could pretend to myself that it’s ok that I look tired and crap because if I had the time, and made the effort I would look great. Now I can’t live in blissful ignorance no more. I was going to post a picture but I decided that I didn’t want to scare anyone away.
My hair has broken off at the front and I have a whisp-y halo of hair, my foundation doesn’t sit right on my skin anymore (and I have no clue which one I should go with next) I look orange or I look too pale with my current ones, and I am going to need a lot more than a little stick of concealer to hide the eye-bags. All in all I look like I have aged 10 years in the past 2 years, (since I became pregnant with Boo) and I look like I have been electrocuted and all my hair is standing on end. I look about as good as I feel!
Oh dear, my usual uniform of jeans (either slightly too loose or slightly too tight take your pick) and easy access boobfeeding tops really just made things worse!!
The sad thing about this whole thing is that I haven’t really got a clue of how to go about making myself feel and look better, I have never been a girly girl and so I am at a complete loss, damn those spare few minutes I had this morning! Where is Gok Wan when you need him?
Boo started to spit water out when she drank so we tried, a couple of weeks ago, to get her to swallow the water and say Ahhhh! when she drank… and it worked she does spit water out anymore, we where s pleased and it is kind of cute to see her take a big drink and then smile a big beaming smile and say Ahhhh!
But it has back fired slightly, Boo doesn’t just say Ahhhh! when she drinks water, oh no… sometimes she also says it when she unlatches from a milk feed, slightly embarrassing but the big smile she gives, you just can’t say no! And also, I am sad to say, when she burps! Oh dear that wasn’t the plan at all…
Boo 2 : Mummy 0
Today is my first day back at work after the Christmas break, and I always find it difficult to get back in to the routine of normal after Christmas, I find January a hard month, it’s so cold and dark and we have put away the glitter of Christmas. In order to help me deal with what I know will be a difficult time I have certain coping strategies, one of which is to give myself things to look forward too, only small things and never many days away just so that there is something nice on the horizon.
Like today for example, I have made myself an extra nice lunch, nothing too extravagant just something a bit out of the ordinary, something which when I am flagging about 10 am I can think… ohhhh lunch soon. I also have several nice days out planned with Boo for this week, one of which is a walk to our local park, which will be on whichever none work day has the nicest weather, again it’s something simple (and free) but it really gives the day/week a positive edge! I know how much Boo loves the park and the outdoors, and her smiles, laugh and evident delight are infectious!
Boo and these little things really help me stay positive until the days get longer and everything feels more uplifting.
I am not sure if I was feeling brave or just plain stupid this morning but I figured it would be a good idea to jump on the scales (step tentatively with one eye closed) and see where the magical numbers stopped…
I have already decided to make some changes to my diet and lifestyle as part of my New Years resolutions as I have been feeling like I have been letting so many things slide, and my intake of chocolate at times is just plain crazy!
I feel like I have also used the fact that I am breastfeeding Boo, not as an ‘excuse’ but possibly as a justification to eat probably more than I should do/need to… Not all bad things mind, I do try to eat well I just eat more than I should.
Anyway I weigh now, exactly the same as I did before I became pregnant with Boo, which is good in some ways, but bad in others as I probably should lose a few pounds to be more healthy. So I am going to try, slowly to lose some weight and to become a bit healthier (I think now that Boo is walking I will be chasing after her before long!).
Boo didn’t really see impressed with the cucumber part of her starter for on Christmas Day…I know exactly how she feels….